Feelings
I'm always talking about my feelings, how I feel about something... Everything I talk about is revolved around that. To add onto that, lately I have been feeling a lot of pain inside, from everything. Everything from the past, present, possible future, family, friends, etc... and this pain inside me is overflowing waiting to explode but nothing comes out because I hardened myself so much to prevent myself because I have to focus on living in the present and dealing with what is in front of me. Sometimes I feel like if I let myself cry I will not stop and I will feel raw inside, so vulnerable. Other times I think too much about things, I distract my feelings to not express them. I do this all the time actually with everyone, especially myself.
This fear and inability to express this pain I have is becoming my disability. Maybe it's depression again? Why can't I just be happy? Why does everything have to be so hard? Life is so hard right now financially and family wise. I lost 10 lbs, I never been this thin since I was in high school. I'm sure if I eat more food I will gain more weight. It's kind of nice but who cares what you look like when you are incapable of being happy and actually enjoying life? I wish I was never born, I hate living in this world.
This fear and inability to express this pain I have is becoming my disability. Maybe it's depression again? Why can't I just be happy? Why does everything have to be so hard? Life is so hard right now financially and family wise. I lost 10 lbs, I never been this thin since I was in high school. I'm sure if I eat more food I will gain more weight. It's kind of nice but who cares what you look like when you are incapable of being happy and actually enjoying life? I wish I was never born, I hate living in this world.

